Egeus' confessional
Oct. 27th, 2003 02:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drydemI left Muses to protest the war. People say at this point that I ran away, but when I left my intention was simply to go to a large protest and try to make a difference somewhere, partially because I felt like I was making no difference at home. I left for the weekend, and when I heard the news of the declaration, I went into hiding. We were at war and I did not want to be taken hostage and used as currency against the city. So I hid. And while I hid I saw suffering, I saw people driven from their freeholds on suspicion of harboring members of the Urban Renewal League. I saw a kingdom ready for war. I had a wedge driven through my self.
One half of me longed to do what I could to help these people. I'm an experienced medic and healer and know a thing or two about peacemaking. One half of me wanted to return home and try to help Bloomington through her troubles. But I'd failed in that every time I tried.
I did nothing but fail in Bloomington, despite over a decade of trying. I failed to save Kali. I failed to reform LeBois and when a chance to free the city from the tyranny of violence came, I failed to do anything. I could not stop people from killing in order to enforce an order. And the worst part, is that the same people claimed that the city was somehow made according to my dream. I failed Bloomington over and over and had I returned, I would fail more, I would simply drive more wedges into the city.
So I stayed. I stayed in the kingdom of apples, where I could at least help a few people live in peace. Where I could try and broker any sort of peace.
Hate me for it if you will. I'm sure that some do. But had I come back, I would have been used more. People would have done more reprehensible things and claimed that they somehow represented my vision of equality. Maybe I deprived the city of a leader, but I also deprived it of an excuse.
Where did everything go wrong? Where did Robespierre come from? Is revolution doomed to fail if it does not evolve?
One half of me longed to do what I could to help these people. I'm an experienced medic and healer and know a thing or two about peacemaking. One half of me wanted to return home and try to help Bloomington through her troubles. But I'd failed in that every time I tried.
I did nothing but fail in Bloomington, despite over a decade of trying. I failed to save Kali. I failed to reform LeBois and when a chance to free the city from the tyranny of violence came, I failed to do anything. I could not stop people from killing in order to enforce an order. And the worst part, is that the same people claimed that the city was somehow made according to my dream. I failed Bloomington over and over and had I returned, I would fail more, I would simply drive more wedges into the city.
So I stayed. I stayed in the kingdom of apples, where I could at least help a few people live in peace. Where I could try and broker any sort of peace.
Hate me for it if you will. I'm sure that some do. But had I come back, I would have been used more. People would have done more reprehensible things and claimed that they somehow represented my vision of equality. Maybe I deprived the city of a leader, but I also deprived it of an excuse.
Where did everything go wrong? Where did Robespierre come from? Is revolution doomed to fail if it does not evolve?
