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from Penny Arcade
Feb. 11th, 2004 10:34 am"Four different sexual orientations?" you exclaim. "Preposterous! There are only two thingies, and their interactions are well known." I don't deny that you are correct in your assertion. Every possible intersection of ding-dongs and hoo-has has been charted, mapped, and inverted, and that each permutation of the above has been pontificated on for as long as the material components of physical love have been in circulation. But one of the wonders of science fiction is not only that our minds can be expanded by vivid scenarios of space travel, but also that truly remarkable new genitals can be conceived of by imaginative shut-ins, for whom even the activity of human genitalia has taken on the allure and mystery of fiction.
One of the other two sexual configurations is dreadfully mundane, I'm afraid - asexual reproduction. Nothing to write home about here. It's just like masturbating, except that when you get done there's somebody else in the room. The whole thing is pretty crazy. What would you talk about? It's not like you can deny what you do in your spare time.
The fourth one, however, might be enough to get your space-blood pumping - imagine if you will a seven dimensional penis which can project beyond time, and even through solid matter. This metadong can be everywhere and nowhere at once, its exact physical state is constantly in flux. You might think of this scenario as somewhat emasculating, because if someone asks you (for example) if you have the balls to do something, you have to very earnestly reply that you might or you might not, it's kind of a quantum thing. On the other hand, ask that motherfucker if he can have sex with anyone who ever existed, ever, even if they were trapped inside a safe. See what I'm talking about? With an infinite wang, this and much more is possible. Well, I guess I should say probable. It's kind of a quantum thing.
One of the other two sexual configurations is dreadfully mundane, I'm afraid - asexual reproduction. Nothing to write home about here. It's just like masturbating, except that when you get done there's somebody else in the room. The whole thing is pretty crazy. What would you talk about? It's not like you can deny what you do in your spare time.
The fourth one, however, might be enough to get your space-blood pumping - imagine if you will a seven dimensional penis which can project beyond time, and even through solid matter. This metadong can be everywhere and nowhere at once, its exact physical state is constantly in flux. You might think of this scenario as somewhat emasculating, because if someone asks you (for example) if you have the balls to do something, you have to very earnestly reply that you might or you might not, it's kind of a quantum thing. On the other hand, ask that motherfucker if he can have sex with anyone who ever existed, ever, even if they were trapped inside a safe. See what I'm talking about? With an infinite wang, this and much more is possible. Well, I guess I should say probable. It's kind of a quantum thing.
