(no subject)

it's so weird how hard it is to do nothing. I just want to relax some but I can't really spend time doing nothing. I am getting better at it though. I am worried that my first attempt to throw a new year's party is going to fall through though. I don't want to spend another new year's all alone. I have in my life done three things for new year's. Out of let's say 12 since I got to the age of wanting to do things that's all too many lonely ball drops. I just want to host people at my house, my first ever house.