(no subject)

When do you know someone? Really. I can't really say that I know anyone any longer than I can make eye contact with them. I think as long as I can look into someone's eyes I can see them, but sometimes when I lose that contact, it feels like I lose the person.

(no subject)

Alright, to understand most of what I am going to say, you need to know the Wiccan Rede and some of the debate surrounding it's interpretations.
The Wiccan Rede is a long drawn out ethical statement that is generally boiled down to the short statement 'do what you will, but harm none.' That statement is generally presented as a moral code in Wicca and it is one of the rules I try to apply to my life. One of the issues of debate with this code is the love spell issue. Some people view love spells as inherently harmful because they remove someone's free will in a situation. This general issue is what I am musing about.

I feel frustrated sometimes with magic and morality. I believe in magic. I believe very strongly in magic. And I also believe in it's moral application. I believe that the only real sin is to harm another. And I believe that taking one's freedom away is one way to harm them. And so I don't do magic that chooses for another person. I don't make people's decisions for them. And sometimes that's just so frustrating. I could do it. I could cast a love spell. I could squeeze the universe into a ball and roll it towards an overwhelming question. But I don't. But I could. And sometimes, I wonder if it is worth it after all, after teas and cakes and ices and so forth.
I'm Prufrocking right now.
I can't do it. I can't bring myself to do any more than remove obstacles and take advice from the universe/faeries/stars/random pieces of stuff. I just can't. Because my temporary happiness is not worth harm. Because if I am going to get some bad karma, I am going to get it preventing someone from getting killed or something, not just making me a little less lonely. And I don't know if that's low self esteem because I don't think I'm worth it, or maybe pessimism about relationships because I've been hurt, or maybe just what I say it is. I don't always know.
"Keep your old love letters"
It's a statement that comes from a speech that is attributed to Kurt Vonnegut. I disagree with it. Reading old love letters just makes me sad. It doesn't evoke feelings of love or contentment, it evokes feelings of loss and loneliness. It makes me feel all fucked up and bad.
Would it have been worth while,
if one, settling a pillow or throwing back a shawl,
and turning toward the window should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."