a confessional fable

So, back in the day(high school, 11 years ago at this point) I was in this relationship. sort of. There was this girl that I knew, with whom I was friends, with whom I talked on the phone every few days. We were, in my conception of the relationship, dating, though the vagaries of geography made the complication of actual dates a bit overwhelming(I had no car, she had no license). But she asked me to her homecoming dance and we had a pretty good time and at that point, I assumed that we were dating. However, being the timid mouse that I have always been, I never brought up the question of whether we were or not. She 'left' me for a close friend.

Fast forward a decade and the same problem existed. last year, I was in a relationship that I was never remotely sure about and was, despite previous problems of this exact sort, unwilling or unable to bring the moment to it's crisis(to paraphrase Prufrock). I can't help but feel that this frustrating uncertainty, which lasted throughout the relationship, and to some degree on my part through the friendship that followed, was ultimately detrimental to the relationship, in the end being its downfall.

Sometimes I reflect on this. especially after dreams of contentment fade to empty beds.

(no subject)

sapphohestia suggested we have an ( orgy night )