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Nov. 9th, 2004 11:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drydemHere is the Ben soundtrack, annotated. Anyone who wants a copy need but ask(and pay postage where necessary).
theme-
1. Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morrisette-This song really defines a lot of how I view myself. I am both high and grounded, green and wise, short and healthy, brave and chickenshit. It's me, that's why it's the theme song. Because everything is going to be fine, fine, fine.
Section I-youth:this is not meant to be all of my youth, simply important moments
2.Least Complicated, Indigo Girls-my romantic misadventures as a youth really influenced who I am. When I was young, I had a tendency to fall too hard and scare people away with the depth of my emotion. I was so shy, and so commonly in love. My youth was in some ways defined by my crushes. I could list the crushes that have somehow influenced my decisions in life, but I need to sleep this week.
3.Citysong, Luscious Jackson- This song gets into me falling in love with Philadelphia. I miss being close to the city. It is such a part of my past. I've had defining moments of my life there and I long for it sometimes, because I know that it loves me as only the city of Philos can. Not only is the song about the city, but I associate it with my old Philly crew.
4.Smells Like Teen Spirit, Tori Amos-This song was part of my development in it's original, Nirvanan(adjective!) version. The fall of 92, when Seattle was huge, was when I came into my own for the first time in my life. This calls up my teen angst and the bizarre hope that accompanied it. That it's Tori links to my obsession with Ms. Amos
5.Punk Rock Girl, Dead Milkmen- Oh Philadelphia. This song speaks to my love of rebellious chicks and my tendency to run around Philadelphia with them. Plus, the Philly Pizza Company was one of my favorite places to eat, and I used to buy hair dye at Zipperhead(places mentioned in the song). The Dead Milkmen are a Philly based punk band, and as I bounced a few independent punk shows in West Philly back in the day, this also speaks to that in my past.
6.Pretty Good Year, Tori Amos-Okay, 1. Tori, this is my tori obsession song. I remember first hearing this song and falling in love with it. I named my first car, the car I traveled across the country in, Tori. This song, and its 'pretty good year' speak of my time travelling. This song IS my trip, my car and that entire year of my life. 2. It references Prufrock, another bizarre obsession of mine. So it concludes my past.
Section II-identity: these are a few aspects of me, not in depth, but in brief
7.The Mystic's Dream, Loreena McKennitt- This song ties into my religious identity and some of my longing for the Isles of my ancestors. Honestly, more than I can identify religiously with any group, I can speak to things that awaken in me feelings of spirituality. This song is part of my spiritual identity and has always been tied to my Arthurian obsession, specifically to the Mists of Avalon(oddly enough, it was associated with it years before TNT made a mini-series and used this as the opening theme).
8.Hunter, Bjork-There is within the meek vegetarian exterior of Ben, a predator. I used to stalk the woods behind Earlham moonlit nights, chasing animals with nothing but a knife. This song awakens this primordial aspect of my self. I think of it as my aries side in some ways.
9.Revolution 1, the Beatles-I am deep down inside, interested in changing the world for the better. However, I get hung up sometimes on the details. The Beatles represent the part of me that wishes I were in the late 60's(like Loreena represents the part that wishes I were in the 60's, as in AD 60 kicking some Roman ass). This is my revolutionary side, simply.
10. Venus as a Boy, Bjork-many who know me, know my love of bath products. My roommates come to me for nail polish remover. I own body splash for fuck's sake. But I am still male. Pretty undeniably so. Venus as a Boy speaks to my gender identity. It's kind of how I think of myself, loving beauty, but from the position of a Man.
11.In the Garage, Weezer-what can I say. Posters on the wall, Dungeon Master's Guide and Nightcrawler too. I am an out-of-the-closet(mostly) geek, and this song represents that. I have a lot of geek anxiety in my life, and often feel safest among geeks because of it. This song is all about that safe space. As I come to terms with my geekiness, this song helps.
Section III-romance: romance is a big thing with me, this shows a few aspects of my relationship to "love"
12.A Kiss to Build a Dream On, Louis Armstrong-This song opens the Love section by speaking of my total tendency towards fantasy and crushing. I almost can't help crushing. I do it all the time. I seek out crushes, so that at least I can fantasize about intimacy(not a euphemism) when I'm lacking it in the flesh.
13.Mr. Jones, Counting Crows- Shyness. I'm never Mr. Jones. I have never been able to overcome my shyness. I sympathize too much with the narrator. "when everybody loves me, I'll never be lonely". I have never been anything but timid. Thus this song.
14.Strongman, Luscious Jackson-This song, bringing in a little more LJ, connects to the relationship I've always wanted to be in. I've always wanted to be in a relationship with a "strong woman", someone who was both open and assertive, who was emotionally available, yet also confident. This is an idealistic song.
15.Creep, Radiohead-And here's the dark side of my romantic side, my depressive side. One of the problems with my fantasy life and my crushes is that more often than not, I end up being crushed. As I watch my crushes overlook me again and again, doubt overtakes me. This song represents my pain. It's not remotely all the time, but when I hurt, this is how I feel.
16.Falling is Like This, Ani DiFranco-Wrapping up the romance section is Ani. The Love as gravity metaphor works too well for me. Regardless of the nihilism and pain, I drift again and again towards love. I am a planet in orbit. I could no more escape the tug of love than I could spontaneously stop having existed.
Section IV-creativity: these say a bit about the role of Creation in my life
17.(If You Were) In My Movie, Suzanne Vega-I am a narrativist. my life is the creation of stories. I write stories that the people around me can participate in. I write stories about my life that incorporate the people around me. My life either becomes a movie, or is part of a fiction. This song is that impulse.
18. Song of the Candle, Stan Rogers-Sometimes, I feel like I don't know why I write. I feel like I express myself not out of an urge to be heard, but because I just can't help but create. It's like there are stories within me that I need to let out.
Finale-
19.Little Plastic Castle, Ani Difranco-To wrap up, a final thought on who I am. I am me. Wherever I am, I live my life. Every coffee shop, in every city. I will always add up to what I am. However people read me, I am just me.
Statistics:
19 songs
1:18:15
theme-
1. Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morrisette-This song really defines a lot of how I view myself. I am both high and grounded, green and wise, short and healthy, brave and chickenshit. It's me, that's why it's the theme song. Because everything is going to be fine, fine, fine.
Section I-youth:this is not meant to be all of my youth, simply important moments
2.Least Complicated, Indigo Girls-my romantic misadventures as a youth really influenced who I am. When I was young, I had a tendency to fall too hard and scare people away with the depth of my emotion. I was so shy, and so commonly in love. My youth was in some ways defined by my crushes. I could list the crushes that have somehow influenced my decisions in life, but I need to sleep this week.
3.Citysong, Luscious Jackson- This song gets into me falling in love with Philadelphia. I miss being close to the city. It is such a part of my past. I've had defining moments of my life there and I long for it sometimes, because I know that it loves me as only the city of Philos can. Not only is the song about the city, but I associate it with my old Philly crew.
4.Smells Like Teen Spirit, Tori Amos-This song was part of my development in it's original, Nirvanan(adjective!) version. The fall of 92, when Seattle was huge, was when I came into my own for the first time in my life. This calls up my teen angst and the bizarre hope that accompanied it. That it's Tori links to my obsession with Ms. Amos
5.Punk Rock Girl, Dead Milkmen- Oh Philadelphia. This song speaks to my love of rebellious chicks and my tendency to run around Philadelphia with them. Plus, the Philly Pizza Company was one of my favorite places to eat, and I used to buy hair dye at Zipperhead(places mentioned in the song). The Dead Milkmen are a Philly based punk band, and as I bounced a few independent punk shows in West Philly back in the day, this also speaks to that in my past.
6.Pretty Good Year, Tori Amos-Okay, 1. Tori, this is my tori obsession song. I remember first hearing this song and falling in love with it. I named my first car, the car I traveled across the country in, Tori. This song, and its 'pretty good year' speak of my time travelling. This song IS my trip, my car and that entire year of my life. 2. It references Prufrock, another bizarre obsession of mine. So it concludes my past.
Section II-identity: these are a few aspects of me, not in depth, but in brief
7.The Mystic's Dream, Loreena McKennitt- This song ties into my religious identity and some of my longing for the Isles of my ancestors. Honestly, more than I can identify religiously with any group, I can speak to things that awaken in me feelings of spirituality. This song is part of my spiritual identity and has always been tied to my Arthurian obsession, specifically to the Mists of Avalon(oddly enough, it was associated with it years before TNT made a mini-series and used this as the opening theme).
8.Hunter, Bjork-There is within the meek vegetarian exterior of Ben, a predator. I used to stalk the woods behind Earlham moonlit nights, chasing animals with nothing but a knife. This song awakens this primordial aspect of my self. I think of it as my aries side in some ways.
9.Revolution 1, the Beatles-I am deep down inside, interested in changing the world for the better. However, I get hung up sometimes on the details. The Beatles represent the part of me that wishes I were in the late 60's(like Loreena represents the part that wishes I were in the 60's, as in AD 60 kicking some Roman ass). This is my revolutionary side, simply.
10. Venus as a Boy, Bjork-many who know me, know my love of bath products. My roommates come to me for nail polish remover. I own body splash for fuck's sake. But I am still male. Pretty undeniably so. Venus as a Boy speaks to my gender identity. It's kind of how I think of myself, loving beauty, but from the position of a Man.
11.In the Garage, Weezer-what can I say. Posters on the wall, Dungeon Master's Guide and Nightcrawler too. I am an out-of-the-closet(mostly) geek, and this song represents that. I have a lot of geek anxiety in my life, and often feel safest among geeks because of it. This song is all about that safe space. As I come to terms with my geekiness, this song helps.
Section III-romance: romance is a big thing with me, this shows a few aspects of my relationship to "love"
12.A Kiss to Build a Dream On, Louis Armstrong-This song opens the Love section by speaking of my total tendency towards fantasy and crushing. I almost can't help crushing. I do it all the time. I seek out crushes, so that at least I can fantasize about intimacy(not a euphemism) when I'm lacking it in the flesh.
13.Mr. Jones, Counting Crows- Shyness. I'm never Mr. Jones. I have never been able to overcome my shyness. I sympathize too much with the narrator. "when everybody loves me, I'll never be lonely". I have never been anything but timid. Thus this song.
14.Strongman, Luscious Jackson-This song, bringing in a little more LJ, connects to the relationship I've always wanted to be in. I've always wanted to be in a relationship with a "strong woman", someone who was both open and assertive, who was emotionally available, yet also confident. This is an idealistic song.
15.Creep, Radiohead-And here's the dark side of my romantic side, my depressive side. One of the problems with my fantasy life and my crushes is that more often than not, I end up being crushed. As I watch my crushes overlook me again and again, doubt overtakes me. This song represents my pain. It's not remotely all the time, but when I hurt, this is how I feel.
16.Falling is Like This, Ani DiFranco-Wrapping up the romance section is Ani. The Love as gravity metaphor works too well for me. Regardless of the nihilism and pain, I drift again and again towards love. I am a planet in orbit. I could no more escape the tug of love than I could spontaneously stop having existed.
Section IV-creativity: these say a bit about the role of Creation in my life
17.(If You Were) In My Movie, Suzanne Vega-I am a narrativist. my life is the creation of stories. I write stories that the people around me can participate in. I write stories about my life that incorporate the people around me. My life either becomes a movie, or is part of a fiction. This song is that impulse.
18. Song of the Candle, Stan Rogers-Sometimes, I feel like I don't know why I write. I feel like I express myself not out of an urge to be heard, but because I just can't help but create. It's like there are stories within me that I need to let out.
Finale-
19.Little Plastic Castle, Ani Difranco-To wrap up, a final thought on who I am. I am me. Wherever I am, I live my life. Every coffee shop, in every city. I will always add up to what I am. However people read me, I am just me.
Statistics:
19 songs
1:18:15
