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It's Done
I woke up at 3:30 this morning, filled with despair. At the same time, my step-father was breathing his last. I couldn't be sure of when it was going to happen, he'd moved into hospice care just a week ago, a few days after I visited him in the hospital, back when he was fighting off an infection and we were all still hoping the chemo had worked.
I wrote an obituary, at my mother's request. She asked me a few days ago, knowing what was coming. She worked as a hospice counselor for several years, she knew the things to get in order beforehand. It's hard to do. A complicated way to say goodbye. To sum up a life in 400 words. It gets you thinking about your own life.
Right now, I am still processing. I feel worst for my mother, who has to go on without him. I can't really imagine it. I'm just kind of numb. As things have come to a head with this, I've realized that there's a peculiar difference in things. Under normal circumstances, when I'm feeling down, I say I'm feeling depressed, generally because there isn't a good reason to feel down. But right now I'm not depressed, I'm just sad. The reason is obvious.
I wrote an obituary, at my mother's request. She asked me a few days ago, knowing what was coming. She worked as a hospice counselor for several years, she knew the things to get in order beforehand. It's hard to do. A complicated way to say goodbye. To sum up a life in 400 words. It gets you thinking about your own life.
Right now, I am still processing. I feel worst for my mother, who has to go on without him. I can't really imagine it. I'm just kind of numb. As things have come to a head with this, I've realized that there's a peculiar difference in things. Under normal circumstances, when I'm feeling down, I say I'm feeling depressed, generally because there isn't a good reason to feel down. But right now I'm not depressed, I'm just sad. The reason is obvious.
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Grief is awful. I hope that you have the space (and/or anything else you need) to grieve while also being there for your mom.
Love.