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Mar. 9th, 2004 03:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drydemMy cousin Shawn died today. It's her birthday.
I am the second eldest(after Shawn) and best educated out of my generation and generally am seen as the most eloquent. This is nice sometimes, but right now, it's tough. Because right now I need to start writing a eulogy. I need to say things that make sense of everything. And how can I?
Shawn was born with down's syndrome. She has been developmentally disabled all her life and has never been the fastest mind in the family. But she is easily one of the most loving people that I've ever met. She loves unconditionally, and freely. She loves toilet humor, especially fart jokes, and was bossy and always interrogated me about whether or not I had a girlfriend and whether or not we'd kissed. She could be annoying at times but she had a purity of self that is enviable in anyone. But she has a weak heart. And is probably leaving this world.
I couldn't pray for her not to. I couldn't do anything to prevent it. Because I don't believe in doing those things. If it is her time, then it is her time. I just don't know how to make it make sense.
Death always turns me to Sandman.
I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school.
They don't teach you how to love someone.
They don't teach you how to be famous.
They don't teach you how to be rich, or how to be poor.
They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.
They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.
They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
They don't teach you anything worth knowing.
-Kindly ones, Rose Walker's Journal
Now the girl in the red dress talks to you all, as the boat begins it's passage down the slow stream. And her words make sense of everything. She gives you peace, she gives you meaning. And she bids her brother goodbye.
-The Wake
I just wish I could say something to make sense of everything. Nobody should ever die on their birthday.
I am the second eldest(after Shawn) and best educated out of my generation and generally am seen as the most eloquent. This is nice sometimes, but right now, it's tough. Because right now I need to start writing a eulogy. I need to say things that make sense of everything. And how can I?
Shawn was born with down's syndrome. She has been developmentally disabled all her life and has never been the fastest mind in the family. But she is easily one of the most loving people that I've ever met. She loves unconditionally, and freely. She loves toilet humor, especially fart jokes, and was bossy and always interrogated me about whether or not I had a girlfriend and whether or not we'd kissed. She could be annoying at times but she had a purity of self that is enviable in anyone. But she has a weak heart. And is probably leaving this world.
I couldn't pray for her not to. I couldn't do anything to prevent it. Because I don't believe in doing those things. If it is her time, then it is her time. I just don't know how to make it make sense.
Death always turns me to Sandman.
I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school.
They don't teach you how to love someone.
They don't teach you how to be famous.
They don't teach you how to be rich, or how to be poor.
They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer.
They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind.
They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.
They don't teach you anything worth knowing.
-Kindly ones, Rose Walker's Journal
Now the girl in the red dress talks to you all, as the boat begins it's passage down the slow stream. And her words make sense of everything. She gives you peace, she gives you meaning. And she bids her brother goodbye.
-The Wake
I just wish I could say something to make sense of everything. Nobody should ever die on their birthday.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 12:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 01:09 pm (UTC)Like you, I'm somewhat at a loss of what to say. Give a yell if you need to talk, though. I'm around.
Sorry
Date: 2004-03-09 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 03:20 pm (UTC)*hugs* i don't know how to help people make sense of death. in situations like that, all you can do is pray for healing, whatever that may mean.
i might just be rambling. at any rate, let me know if you need hugs or atkins-friendly junk food or company, or whatever.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 03:41 pm (UTC)i wish there was something i could do or say
Date: 2004-03-09 05:33 pm (UTC)So sorry...
Date: 2004-03-09 07:50 pm (UTC)I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a cousin can be a terribly hard thing, especially if you're as fond of the cousin in question as it sounds that you were, despite those annoying little personality quirks that we all tend to have and be bothered by in others. I hope that writing the eulogy helps you to come to terms with the loss of the person you knew and cared for.
with the best regards,
Austin
no subject
Date: 2004-03-10 03:33 am (UTC)even if if's just someone to sit
very quietly and hold your hand, I'm here.
Just call.
You and your family are in my thoughts. ::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-03-10 10:10 am (UTC)