![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I hate Birthday angst
I've spent the last week Birthday angsting. It's really not my favorite pasttime. I'm starting to feel grumpdom creeping up on me and I don't really like it. I mean, I don't have what I always wanted to have before I metaphorically became old(1). I should really have some stability in my life before I start feeling like this.
I worry about the future. I worry that I am going to end up an old bachelor professor, alone with my books, stuck in my routines. sigh.
So where am I compared to a year ago.
I am 40 pounds less massive.
I am one rough draft of a thesis closer to my MA.
I am 12 months further into singlehood.
I am otherwise pretty much the same.
Sounds like a path to old bachelorhood to me. Which is never where I wanted to end up. I need to redirect my energies, I need to focus myself and find my path. So I need a rebirth. I need to tap my fire. I need to get all steamy like I should. I need to get unstuck.
And unsticking is the hard part. I think I'll start by sorting everything around me. Moving everything around my room until it's different. Then maybe external change will spark internal change.
(1)age is a state of mind, the trick is balancing things right. In a lot of ways, I'm already an adult, but in others, I feel "adulthood" to be overrated. I'm not fond of Paul's statement of putting aside childish things when it comes down to it, because losing the wonder of childhood is a fear of mine.
I worry about the future. I worry that I am going to end up an old bachelor professor, alone with my books, stuck in my routines. sigh.
So where am I compared to a year ago.
I am 40 pounds less massive.
I am one rough draft of a thesis closer to my MA.
I am 12 months further into singlehood.
I am otherwise pretty much the same.
Sounds like a path to old bachelorhood to me. Which is never where I wanted to end up. I need to redirect my energies, I need to focus myself and find my path. So I need a rebirth. I need to tap my fire. I need to get all steamy like I should. I need to get unstuck.
And unsticking is the hard part. I think I'll start by sorting everything around me. Moving everything around my room until it's different. Then maybe external change will spark internal change.
(1)age is a state of mind, the trick is balancing things right. In a lot of ways, I'm already an adult, but in others, I feel "adulthood" to be overrated. I'm not fond of Paul's statement of putting aside childish things when it comes down to it, because losing the wonder of childhood is a fear of mine.
no subject
no subject
You're still awesome. You'll ever be awesome!
It's awesome!
Losing wonder only comes when you fail to continue to push the limits of your understanding - which is why science has always been a draw for me. The more I know, the less I understand and the more wonder I feel. Sure, there's a certain comfortable zone I could slip into, but that's why one has to continue to pursue the unknown.