I hate Birthday angst
Mar. 22nd, 2004 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drydemI've spent the last week Birthday angsting. It's really not my favorite pasttime. I'm starting to feel grumpdom creeping up on me and I don't really like it. I mean, I don't have what I always wanted to have before I metaphorically became old(1). I should really have some stability in my life before I start feeling like this.
I worry about the future. I worry that I am going to end up an old bachelor professor, alone with my books, stuck in my routines. sigh.
So where am I compared to a year ago.
I am 40 pounds less massive.
I am one rough draft of a thesis closer to my MA.
I am 12 months further into singlehood.
I am otherwise pretty much the same.
Sounds like a path to old bachelorhood to me. Which is never where I wanted to end up. I need to redirect my energies, I need to focus myself and find my path. So I need a rebirth. I need to tap my fire. I need to get all steamy like I should. I need to get unstuck.
And unsticking is the hard part. I think I'll start by sorting everything around me. Moving everything around my room until it's different. Then maybe external change will spark internal change.
(1)age is a state of mind, the trick is balancing things right. In a lot of ways, I'm already an adult, but in others, I feel "adulthood" to be overrated. I'm not fond of Paul's statement of putting aside childish things when it comes down to it, because losing the wonder of childhood is a fear of mine.
I worry about the future. I worry that I am going to end up an old bachelor professor, alone with my books, stuck in my routines. sigh.
So where am I compared to a year ago.
I am 40 pounds less massive.
I am one rough draft of a thesis closer to my MA.
I am 12 months further into singlehood.
I am otherwise pretty much the same.
Sounds like a path to old bachelorhood to me. Which is never where I wanted to end up. I need to redirect my energies, I need to focus myself and find my path. So I need a rebirth. I need to tap my fire. I need to get all steamy like I should. I need to get unstuck.
And unsticking is the hard part. I think I'll start by sorting everything around me. Moving everything around my room until it's different. Then maybe external change will spark internal change.
(1)age is a state of mind, the trick is balancing things right. In a lot of ways, I'm already an adult, but in others, I feel "adulthood" to be overrated. I'm not fond of Paul's statement of putting aside childish things when it comes down to it, because losing the wonder of childhood is a fear of mine.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 03:01 pm (UTC)You're still awesome. You'll ever be awesome!
It's awesome!
Losing wonder only comes when you fail to continue to push the limits of your understanding - which is why science has always been a draw for me. The more I know, the less I understand and the more wonder I feel. Sure, there's a certain comfortable zone I could slip into, but that's why one has to continue to pursue the unknown.