exploration
Mar. 29th, 2004 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drydemI've realized that I don't trust anyone around me anymore. At this point there is almost nobody around me that I fully trust, either because of agendae, violations or simply lack of closeness.
I am isolated from the world by this buffer of distrust, gradually slipping into reclusiveness. I extend artificial aspects of trust, but I feel that I've overall been so terribly hidden. I need to break down my shield a bit, chip through this exterior that has me alone.
I'm not really smiling around people anymore, am I. Fear of judgement has left me stoic, left me without trust. I'm so incredibly internal that I'm not living. I'm doing some vague facsimile of life. And that's 1. not worth doing and 2. not me. I should be doing something more than just coasting through life.
So what does this mean? What does all this introspective reflection mean? It means that I am stripping down the layers. That'll mean two things. One, angry Ben will tell you when he is angry. Two, happy Ben will tell you when he is happy. Neither will retreat from their positions.
I am isolated from the world by this buffer of distrust, gradually slipping into reclusiveness. I extend artificial aspects of trust, but I feel that I've overall been so terribly hidden. I need to break down my shield a bit, chip through this exterior that has me alone.
I'm not really smiling around people anymore, am I. Fear of judgement has left me stoic, left me without trust. I'm so incredibly internal that I'm not living. I'm doing some vague facsimile of life. And that's 1. not worth doing and 2. not me. I should be doing something more than just coasting through life.
So what does this mean? What does all this introspective reflection mean? It means that I am stripping down the layers. That'll mean two things. One, angry Ben will tell you when he is angry. Two, happy Ben will tell you when he is happy. Neither will retreat from their positions.
