(no subject)

I hate the way I often feel about myself. I really do. I hate spending an evening depressed and alone. I am not whining about this for sympathy. I am not saying that I want people to come cheer me up because that just leaves me feeling more depressed. I am venting. I am saying that I hate society for telling me that because my body carries some extra weight, because I am not a 32 waist, because I, despite diet and exercise changes, have never ever been anything but overweight, for those reasons, that I am a less worthy person. And I hate that people (including myself somewhat) have bought into that so much that I have spent the vast majority of my adult life single. Nobody gives me second glances and I hate that. I hate that. I hate it so much that I just want to hurt those who have dismissed me. I hate that even though I am intelligent, funny, caring and talented, because I am fat, people overlook me as a romantic partner. And I end up spending the evening depressed after seeing myself in the mirror. I hate that so much.

game over man

well, I don't actually think I have been more satisfied with a LARP that I ran in quite some time. Despite some absences, the game went very well. I was delighted with all of the stuff I saw and all of the stuff I heard about. I think that the game really went well.
And that brings something up.
I really, truly think that the faeries have taken note of our attempt to pay some homage to them and have decided to involve themselves. I don't think necessarily that they are all trying to help, or pleased with us or anything like that, but the synchronicities and such affecting the games really convince me that there is a force at work. For instance, I held off on starting my game intro until 2:02 pm today because it didn't feel right yet. I started then, and who should walk in but Sumner, the man that I was right about to introduce. It was timing, preternatural timing. something that the faeries, with there different understanding of time, are all about.

the horoscope for game day

Pisces
Enchantment reigns. Magic is a wholesome, child-friendly experience, even if your intentions originally ran along different lines. You're falling in love with a person, place or thing, appreciating it as a marvel of creation. One way or another, your feelings are reciprocated. Everything that happens is an event of sensory delight. Be creative with the words that you say or sing. Put your heart into any meal that you prepare. Morning is lovely, and afternoon is deeply satisfying, but twilight is your true element. The fading brightness softens the contours of the day. Tonight will be a special time.