Lost

[drydem]

I've been feeling really lost recently. Like I had this grand plan, where everything was laid out and such, and then I misplaced my notes or something. And this hasn't been a simple "where am I going in life" lost. This has been a verge of panic, "where the fuck am I, what's going on?" kind of lost. I'm spending time verging on tears and wondering where I am. I feel as if the universe just reset to a few days ago and everything is happening differently. I can't tell how, but something has changed.

Comments

[gollumgollum.livejournal.com]

i know *exactly* what you mean, i think. (was that the height of narcissism/hubris? if so, i apologize. i meant it humbly.)

there's a storm picking up steam.

what are you doing right now? i'm free till roughly 6:15/6:30. feel free to call me if you'd like.

[ninja-turbo.livejournal.com]

Change is good.

Change is bad.

Change is change. Embrace it, go with the flow, and dance along your new path. Swim yourself to safe ports, float along the calm stretches, and brave the rapids when you want to find the truth in yourself.

Your friends are here for you. Call upon us when the river looks too fast, too deep, too daunting.

[danielmc.livejournal.com]

there is this open, raw wound in the universe right now.
definintley on the frequency for empaths.
my shields are on full AND it is still leaking through.
exhausting.

[fallenrose.livejournal.com]

*nod* some crazy energy floating around.


I'll keep you in my thoughts, hun.

[squishymeister.livejournal.com]

You too?
*empathizes*

**hugs**

[spooksix.livejournal.com]

I've had similar feelings ... usually accompanied by lots of general anxiety and sometimes swelling panic. In my case, I think it has had to do with the fact that my future has been unsure ... I feel the need to be rooted, connected with a group in a certain area doing _something_ that I know will last a while in my life. As I'm going through transition right now ... it's been rough.

My back is all knotted and ... well, going on the South Beach Diet has helped - helped to give me something to have control over while not starving myself to death. I've lost about 7 lbs so far. Also, I recently received a palm pilot and it's made my life much more bearable - just having my shtuff organized and what not with my to do list and my calender with items and whatnot.

I remember back in May I had an existential crisis. I had gone to see ... Van Helsing. It wasn't so much the content of the movie that lead to the crisis, but as the credits were rolling I got the feeling that the people who made that movie truly loved what they were doing. I started to question if I loved what I was doing, which lead me to question what I've been doing for the past four years of my life - where I've been living, how honorable my goals have been, what have been my true goals?

Ultimately I asked myself if was enjoying my student teaching, answer : yes. Was I miserable? answer : no, I was coming home happy, even on the bad days. Existential crisis averted.

I dunno. I also remembered my counselor talking about making multiple plans back when I was freaking out over Ali breaking up with me. Still today my throat tightens at the memory. I was a wreck - I had so emotionally invested in her, to have all my plans disappear in a flash ... it was heart-wrenching. So, my counselor talked about making some plans in case Ali and I didn't get back together - maybe I would never need them, but in case I did, I'd have them.

I dunno, that also has been helping me. As I was job searching the past three months, I had gone from only looking for jobs as a French Teacher to applying for translating jobs, library technician jobs and even french speaking customer service jobs. Back up. Now, I know you have backup ideas and what-not, so maybe all this text is silly.

Anyway, I love you, Ben. You're one of my Earlham family. I know I haven't kept in the best touch, but I don't even keep in touch with my blood relatives ... anyway, if you ever need a place to get away to, my home is open to you, no matter how small it is, how many plants or animals I have, or however busy my life is. Though, it may be in the middle of corn country (sorry).

But yeah, if its like feeling that your legs are gone, or the very ground you're standing on is moving and shifting beneath you, I've been there. I can hear Ali saying that you might try Grounding yourself, anchoring yourself to the earth and/or sky/stars/sun/moon and/or nature. Crazy druid. She'd also recommend finding some good stones that resonante with you. I resonate with Hematite. *grin* ANYway ... I hope I've been at least a little helpful.

Oh yeah - breathing helps a LOT

[akashiver.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

You too? It seems that most of the people I know (including myself) are going through some megacrisis right now, of precisely this variety. If it helps, here's a newly minted mantra:

You *do* have it together.

Everything will be okay.